I've also been thinking that though the year was outwardly quiet, it was inwardly rewarding. I had space this year to work on things that were causing stress, to try new things and take small risks, and to think about what’s important. For example:
Tracking my budget for 12 months. I have always been somewhat careful with my money and have done as my dad taught me to “pay yourself first.” But I also know that after a few days of being frugal, I tend to overestimate how much money I have in my checking account and blow my budget. So I made a Google spreadsheet to better track my spending with more meaningful details, with a different tab for each month. I consistently recorded every transaction by category, subtracted from each line and found patterns. Doing it manually really made a difference. I still overshot my budget each month except two, but not by much, and my savings account grew. I also wrote myself a manifesto of how I want to spend my money. It helped me make peace with my occasional need for spontaneous spending as long as it aligned with my overall values.
Cutting my hair. It’s true that I often change my hair from year to year (or month to month), but my most recent short haircut has brought me more joy than most...even after I panicked that I looked like He-Man after the first blow-dry. It was the cut I always wanted to try (short and blunt). I am still getting compliments on it four months later, and to be honest, my self-esteem has benefited.
Sewing. Of all the things I did this year, this helped me grow the most. Sewing has become that hobby where I completely lose track of time, which is a mark of a good hobby, I think. It was a good reminder that I can do things if I just start. And I always learn something new for having done it. Plus, I look at clothing differently now, considering how it was constructed and whether it’s something I could make myself.
Having a tarot reading. I was going to write, “Joining a book club,” but this makes it more interesting, and gets right to the heart of it. At one of our book club gatherings, my friend and fellow book-club member offered to read our tarot cards, as tarot cards were an element of the book we’d just read, and she had some experience with readings. Say what you will about tarot cards - I don't put stock in them, myself - but on that evening, the conversations we had with each other about our lives, prompted by these cards, were among my most cherished of the year. If you want to get to know new friends quickly, this is an intense way to do it. I’m glad we did.
Staying committed to exercise. I have been doing barre for almost five years at 3 days per week. I’ve thought about quitting and trying something new (which is still a possibility for 2020), but I just kept doing it to the point that it was just built in to my weekly routine. I joined a new place this year with more cardio options, which I really needed. I am stronger, and I’m most proud of the mental stamina that tells me, as of this year, that I can do burpees and planks for five minutes straight.
Visiting oldies-goldies friends. When a college friend proposed the two of us visit our friends on the East Coast this summer, I didn’t think long before agreeing to meet her there. The trip was so good for my soul. We keep pieces of each other from bygone years and it’s so fun to bring them out on display again, to remember who we were and in many ways still are. But we also appreciate how we’ve grown and changed and still love each other. It's especially lovely when they have children who exhibit similar charms of their parents while having so many of their own.
Noticing when routine was my friend and when it created stress. This was what led to my cooking revolt this fall, but it’s been a recurring theme. It’s good to step back from routines to make sure they’re still doing what you hoped they’d do.
Biting the bullet and building a deck. The ramshackle deck that had deteriorated over the course of the eleven years we’d lived here was, to me, a sort of visual representation of how I was inept at maintaining a home. Of course I know this is not true, but whenever I looked out at it from my window, I felt sad and overwhelmed to the point that I never wanted to go out there. Once we removed the rotted boards and learned that the deck wasn’t built well in the first place, my perspective began to shift. We were not just repairing but making things better than before. What’s more, we had the means to build a new deck - something I thought wouldn’t be possible until I was in my 40s. It took longer than planned, and summer was basically over by the time it was finished, and we still need furniture, but the sight of the backyard is no longer a source of stress - it now has possibilities. There is still work to be done, but having this large chunk completed makes it easier to see all the other steps.
As of now, I haven't given much thought to what I hope to accomplish in 2020. I'm looking forward to the things I have to celebrate in the coming year, including a milestone birthday for my beloved Joel and two weddings. In the meantime, I am enjoying being still and letting things be for the moment. Seriously - it's almost noon and I'm still in my pajamas.
Happy new year to you and yours - wishing you all the peace and love to warm these winter months.
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