Whole30: Complete

I know the feeling, Margot

When I started Whole30, I had these goals:

1. To test myself on whether I had the stamina to change my lifestyle for 30 days.

2. Confirm whether eliminating certain foods could do certain things for my energy, sleep and mood; and to understand my emotional connection to food.

3. To develop greater sympathy for people who have legitimate allergies and health concerns related to food, and to help me add to my repertoire in finding great recipes in those situations.

On the first point, I'm patting myself on the back.  I didn't slip once in the grand scheme of things, unless you count that bag of veggie chips I desperately needed that one time (I don't). I have to especially thank my mom who kept me encouraged and checked in with me along the way as she was doing it herself. I got through the worst days, and there were quite a few.

On the second point, that was a yes in certain ways. I wasn't overwhelmed by any changes - maybe just delighted by a few subtle differences. Overall, my energy stayed pretty even throughout the process. I developed a greater understanding, which I already knew, that when I eat protein, I didn't get hungry as quickly and I didn't feel sluggish at certain points in the day. However, I never felt like my body ever fully adjusted. My headaches continued throughout the challenge, and during the last few days I had some serious digestive issues that made me wonder if I had a virus.

In terms of sleep, this was a good experience in that when I fell asleep each night, I didn't ever get jolted awake and spend an hour trying to go back to sleep, which happens frequently. I woke up each morning and felt ready to get up.

As for my mood, it was altered for the better in certain ways. But can I truly attribute it to what I was eating? Or the fact that the weather is changing? Or that I was getting a better night's sleep (which I suppose could be related to diet)? Or that I was finding other ways of spending my time rather than snacking or drinking, therefore contributing to a better day overall?

The emotional connection thing was perhaps the best revelation. In my mind, eating and drinking is ceremony, celebration, communing, but these 30 days reminded me of the times I just quickly grab stuff to eat out of the pantry without much thought, or pick a couple Corn Chex off the top of Joel's cereal (I know, weird), or drink a half a glass of wine without really appreciating it. After Whole30 and adding back in my regular foods, I hope to be able to apply this knowledge a bit more in making conscious choices, thinking about how the food I'm about to eat is really wonderful and meant to be savored, otherwise it isn't worth my time. And I do need to drink less. I think this is the number one reason I have problems sleeping, and it does affect my mood.

On the third point, yes, yes, yes. Those days that people brought treats to the office were difficult days. I instantly thought of my friends and family with celiac disease to whom this happens all the time - something delicious sitting right in front of them that they are unable to partake in. Or going to a restaurant and just trying to find something - anything - that might work on the menu, while not completely trusting that what you're eating really doesn't have gluten or dairy or whatever it is. Not to mention the high likelihood that the only thing you can eat isn't all that appetizing or filling (hello, undressed arugula salad with almonds and a squeeze of lemon). I am so much more aware now of these realities. And yes, I am glad I have more recipes in my arsenal that really are delicious without the offending ingredients.

In thinking about adding foods back into my diet, I have been nervous about my body's reaction. Will I discover that bread makes me bloated? Will dairy make me break out? Will I get tired around 3 p.m.?

But now that I'm here, I can honestly say I am okay with all of it. As I said in the beginning, I love food too much to do this all the time; and really, Whole30 is a bit extreme by design and is only to be done for 30 days. However, on a more personal level, this experience was a good time to evaluate some skepticism I've been struggling with over the years, which Whole30 has fit right into, and that is how eating is becoming more and more a personal, scrutinizing journey of input-output, sometimes to the point of eating disorders in more extreme cases. I've been concerned about how we're losing the concept of eating as a communal experience, a time to savor and share with friends (dinner parties are so much more difficult to plan these days when you're trying to work around everyone's varied diets), and that we instead are plagued with fears that what we're eating is evil and will do damage to our bodies to the detriment of having a well-balanced life.

I came across this piece a week or so ago, and it captures much of this skepticism for me. It's a longer read, but definitely worth the time.

In the end, I do think that processed food has become too prominent in many of our diets, that sugar is indeed added to so many things that don't need it (it's kind of incredible, actually), and that food manufacturers are keenly aware of how to market and engineer food to play to our emotions. That knowledge is power, but it shouldn't paralyze us or make us feel horrible for eating a few things we simply want to eat. Calling sugar or gluten the devil, or "cheating," as the article discusses, is kind of a mixed-up view of our relationship with food.

In conclusion, I did learn a lot - about food, about myself, about how much meat I can handle in 30 days, about my bad habits. I am very, very glad I did this. I encourage anyone to do it, and to stick with some version of it if it makes them feel better than ever before. It's a great diet jump-start, an effective education, and it can change your life for the better with the choices you make down the road. I did lose about five pounds and am feeling really great about that added benefit, too. But I'm really tired of preparing and eating meat every day. I never thought I could get sick of avocados, or that the smell of coconut oil could be off-putting, but I need a break. I'm ready to be a true omnivore again, to take pleasure in every single thing that nature has given me to wield in the kitchen and over the grill - which may or may not include sugar, gluten, dairy, legumes, etc. - and adhere once again to my personal food mantras from Michael Pollan ("Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.") and Julia Child ("Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything.").

I started a couple days early with the dairy reintroduction (I figured I'd rather start over the weekend in case I feel horrible). I started with Old Amsterdam cheese (my favorite right now) and some milk in my coffee. No ill effects. And I also partook in a real aperitivo hour, with a real beverage, and did get a headache shortly thereafter, as can be expected. We had wine with friends last night, too,  and I also had a couple bites of bread. I'm trying to be as sensible as possible so I can still monitor my reactions to things, but this could be a rough week of choosing what to try next and being patient as I count the days to pasta or a sandwich.