Six tips for being alone

This past week or so I've thought a lot about the days I spent living alone in Browne's Addition. This is, in part, because one of my good friends is getting ready to move to a place on her own, but mostly because I've been on my own while my jet-setting boyfriend is currently checking in daily from Italy. It's been during these past weeks that a few of my old habits (good and bad) have returned to my life. Shopping trips at 7 p.m. Internet rabbit trails that start at 9:30 and end near midnight. Playlist creations for who-knows-what occasion. Baked potato dinners. Wine and The Office. I-love-me breakfasts (eggs, oatmeal - you know, the healthy stuff). Falling asleep to music. Leaving pajamas on the bathroom floor. Unabashed dancing to Stevie in the living room. Saying "yes" to every outing.

In those ways, it's like a return to a way life that, looking back, seemed really special. The glory days. But these past two weeks have brought back the actual experience of living alone, and to be honest, it's work. Sure, you don't have anyone to answer for, you can do whatever you want, but why? It's a lot of time spent thinking. Mostly about you and what to do next. Somehow it gets to be 9 p.m. and you have no idea how you just spent 2 hours making dinner and doing dishes for no one but yourself. You zone out to episodes of The Mindy Project and realize there was probably something better you could have been doing.

It's not all bad, of course. So I wanted to share those things I have retained and refined through my experience of solitude. It's a good balance of self care and no-nonsense. And frankly, these are good things to remember regardless of your singlehood.

1. Go ahead, make a cake. You could indeed eat the whole cake, but don't think about it that way. The odds are that it will get so stale that even toasting it and slathering it with jelly won't save it. Or, if it is a particularly good cake, you will have an excuse to have friends over to help you eat it, or to take it to work to save you from the temptation. Regardless, don't hold back on the yummy stuff. For those first few slices, you'll feel quite pleased with yourself. And you probably have more restraint than you give yourself credit for.

2. Don't talk to the cat as though she understands the nuances of your word choice. It is very easy to become a cat lady. It starts when you talk to your cat all the time as though she really understands you. In reality, she understands the words "Margot" and "no," as well as a clicking sound you make with your mouth. The rest can be classified as talking to yourself. This past week I was in the pet store twice and both times witnessed dog owners talk to their pets as children. "I said, NO!" "I mean it, you keep barking and you won't get this treat."  Pet ownership is as much about training yourself as it is your pet. And not becoming crazy.

3. Take a moment to appreciate the things you've taken for granted. I am certain I have not thanked Joel enough for all the times I've come home to a clean kitchen, for one thing.

4. Know that eating alone in public is elegant. It's one of the best ways I've found to be mindful. The experience of eating with another person will almost always be superior, but eating alone makes you very aware of taste, the level of intoxication you feel after a negroni, of how constantly the bartender and servers are working. And it's best if you don't use your phone, because there's no surer way to look as though you'd rather be somewhere else. Bring a book or journal instead.

5. For heaven's sake, have people over. And go out with them, too. This is crucial.

6. Enjoy the ordinary stuff. Because if you don't, you will be grumpy and miserable, and no fun whatsoever. And if you do it right, nothing has to feel ordinary. That beer you're savoring on a Sunday afternoon is pretty darn special, after all.