Hearts and Hugo

I really wanted to post something for Valentine's Day. I planned to write about how my friend Jessi and I used to give each other pep talks in the 8th grade about how guys would eventually fall in love with us.

I thought about writing about some of my failed romantic pursuits in high school, like the time I asked a boy who I thought was a safe bet to the Valentine's Day girl-ask-guy dance, only to be turned down with a lie about going out of town. And about how the aforementioned Jessi started getting asked out by (cute!) guys while I was still waiting on the other end of that junior high pep talk. And about how many of my Saturday nights were spent watching old movies with my parents and eating take-n-bake pizza and serenading them at the piano with show tunes.

And before you started feeling sorry for me, I wanted to write something about how I survived and how I remained resilient and went on to greater things. But the more I thought about it, the more it seemed silly and irrelevant and almost misleading. In high school, I never felt like I was merely surviving or that I was a victim failed romance. Honestly , I miss those Saturday nights with my parents and pizza and having a piano on which to play the entire "Mame" songbook. Reading through my old diaries (which I did the other night - whoa), I find pages filled with optimism and enthusiasm and way too many exclamation points.

I know what's behind it. Victor Hugo has been quoted as saying that the greatest happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved - "loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves." This past Friday night when I got home, there was a package at the door from my parents for Valentine's Day. And on Feb. 14, I was presented with a wonderful meal, flowers, chocolate, and a special episode of Jeopardy (go, Watson!). Both instances were perfect reminders that on each day of my life, from birth to high school to my grown-up self, I have been loved.

So now that it's not Valentine's Day anymore, I don't feel the need to post any of that earlier stuff, but I do feel the need - or just the urge - to express how lucky I feel.