Whole30: Complete

I know the feeling, Margot

When I started Whole30, I had these goals:

1. To test myself on whether I had the stamina to change my lifestyle for 30 days.

2. Confirm whether eliminating certain foods could do certain things for my energy, sleep and mood; and to understand my emotional connection to food.

3. To develop greater sympathy for people who have legitimate allergies and health concerns related to food, and to help me add to my repertoire in finding great recipes in those situations.

On the first point, I'm patting myself on the back.  I didn't slip once in the grand scheme of things, unless you count that bag of veggie chips I desperately needed that one time (I don't). I have to especially thank my mom who kept me encouraged and checked in with me along the way as she was doing it herself. I got through the worst days, and there were quite a few.

On the second point, that was a yes in certain ways. I wasn't overwhelmed by any changes - maybe just delighted by a few subtle differences. Overall, my energy stayed pretty even throughout the process. I developed a greater understanding, which I already knew, that when I eat protein, I didn't get hungry as quickly and I didn't feel sluggish at certain points in the day. However, I never felt like my body ever fully adjusted. My headaches continued throughout the challenge, and during the last few days I had some serious digestive issues that made me wonder if I had a virus.

In terms of sleep, this was a good experience in that when I fell asleep each night, I didn't ever get jolted awake and spend an hour trying to go back to sleep, which happens frequently. I woke up each morning and felt ready to get up.

As for my mood, it was altered for the better in certain ways. But can I truly attribute it to what I was eating? Or the fact that the weather is changing? Or that I was getting a better night's sleep (which I suppose could be related to diet)? Or that I was finding other ways of spending my time rather than snacking or drinking, therefore contributing to a better day overall?

The emotional connection thing was perhaps the best revelation. In my mind, eating and drinking is ceremony, celebration, communing, but these 30 days reminded me of the times I just quickly grab stuff to eat out of the pantry without much thought, or pick a couple Corn Chex off the top of Joel's cereal (I know, weird), or drink a half a glass of wine without really appreciating it. After Whole30 and adding back in my regular foods, I hope to be able to apply this knowledge a bit more in making conscious choices, thinking about how the food I'm about to eat is really wonderful and meant to be savored, otherwise it isn't worth my time. And I do need to drink less. I think this is the number one reason I have problems sleeping, and it does affect my mood.

On the third point, yes, yes, yes. Those days that people brought treats to the office were difficult days. I instantly thought of my friends and family with celiac disease to whom this happens all the time - something delicious sitting right in front of them that they are unable to partake in. Or going to a restaurant and just trying to find something - anything - that might work on the menu, while not completely trusting that what you're eating really doesn't have gluten or dairy or whatever it is. Not to mention the high likelihood that the only thing you can eat isn't all that appetizing or filling (hello, undressed arugula salad with almonds and a squeeze of lemon). I am so much more aware now of these realities. And yes, I am glad I have more recipes in my arsenal that really are delicious without the offending ingredients.

In thinking about adding foods back into my diet, I have been nervous about my body's reaction. Will I discover that bread makes me bloated? Will dairy make me break out? Will I get tired around 3 p.m.?

But now that I'm here, I can honestly say I am okay with all of it. As I said in the beginning, I love food too much to do this all the time; and really, Whole30 is a bit extreme by design and is only to be done for 30 days. However, on a more personal level, this experience was a good time to evaluate some skepticism I've been struggling with over the years, which Whole30 has fit right into, and that is how eating is becoming more and more a personal, scrutinizing journey of input-output, sometimes to the point of eating disorders in more extreme cases. I've been concerned about how we're losing the concept of eating as a communal experience, a time to savor and share with friends (dinner parties are so much more difficult to plan these days when you're trying to work around everyone's varied diets), and that we instead are plagued with fears that what we're eating is evil and will do damage to our bodies to the detriment of having a well-balanced life.

I came across this piece a week or so ago, and it captures much of this skepticism for me. It's a longer read, but definitely worth the time.

In the end, I do think that processed food has become too prominent in many of our diets, that sugar is indeed added to so many things that don't need it (it's kind of incredible, actually), and that food manufacturers are keenly aware of how to market and engineer food to play to our emotions. That knowledge is power, but it shouldn't paralyze us or make us feel horrible for eating a few things we simply want to eat. Calling sugar or gluten the devil, or "cheating," as the article discusses, is kind of a mixed-up view of our relationship with food.

In conclusion, I did learn a lot - about food, about myself, about how much meat I can handle in 30 days, about my bad habits. I am very, very glad I did this. I encourage anyone to do it, and to stick with some version of it if it makes them feel better than ever before. It's a great diet jump-start, an effective education, and it can change your life for the better with the choices you make down the road. I did lose about five pounds and am feeling really great about that added benefit, too. But I'm really tired of preparing and eating meat every day. I never thought I could get sick of avocados, or that the smell of coconut oil could be off-putting, but I need a break. I'm ready to be a true omnivore again, to take pleasure in every single thing that nature has given me to wield in the kitchen and over the grill - which may or may not include sugar, gluten, dairy, legumes, etc. - and adhere once again to my personal food mantras from Michael Pollan ("Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.") and Julia Child ("Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything.").

I started a couple days early with the dairy reintroduction (I figured I'd rather start over the weekend in case I feel horrible). I started with Old Amsterdam cheese (my favorite right now) and some milk in my coffee. No ill effects. And I also partook in a real aperitivo hour, with a real beverage, and did get a headache shortly thereafter, as can be expected. We had wine with friends last night, too,  and I also had a couple bites of bread. I'm trying to be as sensible as possible so I can still monitor my reactions to things, but this could be a rough week of choosing what to try next and being patient as I count the days to pasta or a sandwich.

Whole30: Week 3

On a non-Whole30 week, this would have been a week for wine. Instead, I found comfort in tea and toasted coconut flakes at the end of four very stressful days at work. I only cried once, for a few seconds, but it was all I needed to just release that pent up emotion I didn't know how to otherwise express. These situations are so much better when you give yourself a moment to acknowledge your emotions and to mindfully release them. Whole30 didn't teach me this, but I know that mental clarity allows for these kinds of revelations, which I do think Whole30 helped with. If I had come home and dealt with stress in a glass or three of wine, I still might have cried but it would have been followed by feeling sorry for myself and a headache and puffy eyes in the morning. And I would have been off on a grumpy, defensive foot rather than stepping boldly into a blessedly new day.

In all, this week was a good lesson in stress eating/drinking. I only bent the rules once in buying a barely-compliant bag of veggie chips while running errands on my lunch hour. I ate a few giant handfuls with great appreciation. Otherwise, I made it through and feel stronger for it. I let off steam with a couple good sessions at Bar Method, kept my hands busy with knitting and gardening, and Joel made pasta, like old times! Except my "pasta" was spaghetti squash. But that sauce was delightful. We also went to the movies twice and I didn't fall asleep either time, which has been a common occurrence for the last five or so years.

This week was also easier in having a ready-made breakfast for several mornings (that nut porridge I mentioned in the last recap), some good leftover dinners-as-lunches, and lots of La Croix in all sorts of essences (Target had a screamin' deal). I didn't find myself thinking about what I was going to eat as much as the past couple weeks. I just made stuff that sounded good to me and made sure I wasn't breaking the rules with it.

One thing I learned this week is that my diet apparently has no effect on my attractiveness to mosquitos and my over-reaction to bites (very red, very swollen). I am currently suffering from a vampire bite on my neck, and earlier this week I got one on my knee. I also get a couple hives when I'm working out and get a little over heated. They disappear after a few minutes so it's not a big deal, but if I thought Whole30 was truly going to be magic, it's proving itself not to be in these areas of what I consider to be inflammation.

I've also experienced a number of low-grade headaches over the past few weeks, the majority of them having been this week. Headaches are a very rare occurrence for me so that's not cool. It could have been the stress, but who knows.

I'm really glad to be in the final stretch.

Whole30: Week 2

I didn't give up. That was the biggest win for me this past week. Other key highlights and takeaways:

1. There is so much sugar added to things. This becomes even more apparent when you're figuring out dinner at the last minute. My brilliant plan was for sausages and shrimp on the grill. Fast and assuredly delicious.  I specifically went to an actual butcher shop that grinds their own sausage because I thought surely these guys would only use natural ingredients. Only to be told, "Yeah, all of our sausages have sugar added," he said. "It's like the fourth ingredient on our list." UGH.  I headed to the grocery store to load up on shrimp and see their sausage selection. But again, all the sausages were sugared, and non pre-cooked shrimp was nowhere to be found. I was on Day 11 of this thing and was ready to quit right then and there as I stared at cases full of steaks, chicken and pork (which I'd had enough of). Wouldn't a simple spring pasta be nice, with bacon? (I ended up sending Joel out to eat on his own [pizza!] so I could suffer the consequences alone of trying a made-up concoction of chorizo, onions and tomatoes. It was actually pretty good.)

Chorizo concoction

2. From the Whole30 website: Fact: you are most likely to quit your Whole30 program on Day 10 or 11. By this point, the newness of the program has worn off. You’ve made it through most of the unpleasant physical milestones, but you’ve yet to experience any of the “magic” the program promises. You’re still struggling to establish your new routine (read: you’ve eaten eggs prepared ten different ways over the last ten days), and while you’ve been trying really hard to have a good attitude, today you are incredibly aware of all the foods you’re “choosing not to eat right now.”  Everywhere you look, you see the things you “can’t” have: the melted cheese on a greasy burger, the creaminess of that double-scoop cone, the cold beer in your best friend’s tailgate cooler. Dammit, this is hard! And right now you’re wondering if the results will really be as good as “they” all say it is.

You’re cranky, you’re impatient, and you’re really, really tempted to just eat the stupid cheese.

This is where you really start to experience the psychological hold that your food habits have on you. You’ve put in a lot of effort to get to where you are right now, but you’re still waiting for the results you’re hoping to see. Your  brain tells you that you deserve some kind of reward (don’t you?) and, of course, we’ve been conditioned to think of food as the best reward out there. Right now, you’re craving that ice cream, beer, or whatever treat you think would make for just the right reward. But, instead of that treat, you’re standing face to face with the realization that you have 20 more days of deprivation ahead of you.

Yes, that happened to me. 

3. I got to eat out! Central Food in Spokane is a beautiful bike ride away from our house, and it also happens to have a completely compliant Tuna Nicoise Salad. It was so good to be out and about. After dinner, I even agreed to head across the street to Brain Freeze, where I would fill my nostrils with the smell of waffle cones, resist the ice cream and enjoy a simple espresso. 

View from the restaurant

4. My mom got me onto a really good alternative to eggs/meat for breakfast. It's a nut porridge made with cashews, almonds and walnuts, along with coconut, coconut milk, banana and sauteed apples with spices. A little goes a long way and it's all the flavors I love.

5. My pants are looser. I know you're not supposed to weigh yourself during the 30 days but I did. At the moment I've dropped five pounds.

6. Less food prep, more leftovers, lesson learned. After all that food-prepping the weekend before, I ended up tossing some meat by the end of the week because I couldn't stand the sight of it. I'm finding that I much prefer making more food at dinner and ensuring that I have some for lunch the next day. That way chicken doesn't get as gray (yuck), the solidified fat on pulled pork doesn't cast as much of an unsavory glow, and each day can be a new lunch. 

7. Toasted coconut flakes is the new popcorn. I eat a little dish of the big flakes, sprinkled with a little Kosher salt, each night as a little treat with my tea.

Coconut flakes with sauteed apples - deluxe!

8. Okay, okay, this is worth continuing. I really do feel good. I have good energy, I have a better handle on my mood, my face is smooth and clear, and I'm sleeping well. 

The adventure continues.

Black coffee and SO MUCH MEAT

Life is, indeed, too short to drink bad coffee. I decided that for myself, once and for all, after buying a Costco-sized bag of Starbucks beans in an effort to be frugal, grinding the not-so-fresh beans each morning and pouring a terrible cup of French press. I got through the entire bag after a couple months  and promptly returned to one of my favorite coffee shops to get locally roasted beans. Suddenly I was looking forward to breakfast again. I normally Aeropress my coffee and top it with foamed milk in my version of a cappuccino, but now that I'm on the Whole30, I'm drinking delicious French press, straight up. It's pretty much the simplest part of my morning, and one of the things I look forward to most when I get out of bed to face another day on the Whole30.

So, how has the rest of my first week gone on this regimen? Here are a few things I'm noticing.

1. I am already tired of meat and veggies. I mean, meat and veggies were what I ate before this started, but to have meat be the main star of pretty much every meal is kind of exhausting. And I feel kind of...gluttonous. It's not that I'm craving grains and dairy, but I am craving the option of these vehicles, and I'm missing variety of the flavors they add. On some days, it feels like Whole30 is kind of an insult to people who genuinely love food and trying new tastes and flavors. I know the people who designed this have said it's still about loving your food, and really tasting it, but still, I feel so incredibly limited.

2. I really miss my routines. For the last few years, Joel and I have enjoyed our little aperitivo hour when I get home from work, which is when we talk about our days and unwind a bit over a glass of wine and some light snacks. And again, after dinner, making tea and having a modest sweet treat. We can continue to do these things with modifications, but it is just not as fun. On Friday we went out for a walk when I got home, so that's probably a better thing to do than snack and chat.

3. Planning is your friend. I hate food prep, the kind where you batch cook a bunch of stuff and package it all up for portioning. But, I must admit, it's been pretty nice throughout the week to just assemble and go. On Thursday when I was running from the gym to a happy hour with my friends, before I got there it was nice to scarf down some leftover pork loin I saved from the night before, because I wasn't certain I could partake in anything on the menu.

4. Happy hours can still be happy, but pregnant ladies: I salute you. I suppose I didn't mind not being able to drink as much as I minded not being able to eat the pizza I was smelling. But as a fairly reserved person I also do well with some wine to lighten up my laughter and be more outward in conversation, so I had to work extra hard here. Also, there was one item on the menu I could have - arugula salad with almonds and lemon/truffle oil dressing, sans the shaved parmesan. That cheese would have made all the difference. And along with it, sparkling water with lemon. Thank God I ate that pork loin earlier. Pretty much any socializing at a restaurant sucks, because there are so few options. I am getting a bit of cabin fever from eating at home all the time. I miss going out. Sigh.

5. Workouts are better. There was one session in particular where I felt like I could have done more reps and didn't feel tired at the points I normally do. I'm drinking more water throughout the day now, so that's probably helping, too.

6. Two things at bedtime: I can read longer without falling asleep mid-sentence, and my body relaxes more when I lie down. I'm not sure how to explain this second part other than I feel like a dead weight. The first night this happened, I was so surprised by it that I was kept awake by my excitement about it. It felt so cool! Since then, I've gotten more used to it.

7. My stomach doesn't growl with hunger between meals. This may be the biggest win for me so far. I had a hair appointment after work one night and I was waiting for that awkward moment around 6:30 when my stomach said hello to the entire salon. But it never happened. And I didn't even feel hungry until I got home and started assembling my meal.

8. My mood has been generally even and upbeat, though I'm not sure what I can truly attribute that to - the weather, the people around me, not feeling tired or hungry, etc. Either way, that's good.

Other than that, things feel pretty much the same. I know it's just the first week and things will likely continue to evolve. I'm pretty excited that my mom started this a little bit ahead of me and is experiencing noticeable results. I found some new recipes that are making me feel like I can get a little more variety throughout the week, and I'm starting to think about how this may be able to affect some general food decisions down the road. But the main takeaway for this week is food appreciation - as in, I'm really going to savor the food I'm currently denying myself (in modest proportions, of course) when I start reintroducing them in about 23 days.

Thoughts before beginning my Whole30 experiment

My two main feelings right now: excitement (what could happen?!) and confusion (how did I become this person?). I have never really had any food aversions, allergies or chronic indigestion; I'm someone who believes that no food is forbidden as long as you eat real food and know your limits with the less-real food. I've grown weary of the number of conversations I've had in recent years about peoples' very specific diets. And yet, here I am, blogging about launching a Whole30 thing on April 24. (Here's a link in case you've never heard about this program.)

Why am I doing it? I'm not really sure yet. I have a decent level of energy. I get between 7-8 hours of sleep. I eat pretty well. I exercise regularly. And while I wouldn't be sad if I lost five pounds, my doctor told me I am at an ideal weight.

I suppose one reason is because I love a good lifestyle experiment. A 30-day challenge is enjoyable to me because it is a relatively quick way to make a lasting and usually positive change in my life, even if it's just a change of perspective, or a feeling of accomplishment for sticking it out. Another reason could be that food is a bit of an obsession for me. It's a subject I think about a lot and truly love learning about. I also believe that food is medicine and all that jazz, and that if I can understand how food works in my body, then I can feel that much more empowered by my choices - even if I ultimately decide that life is not worth living if I deny myself butter, cheese and wine (a decision I am fully prepared to make). As I am about to hit year 34, I feel that gentle urge toward some good old-fashioned self-discovery. I want to know what eliminating foods for 30 days could possibly do to/for me. Will my skin allergies go away? Will I sleep more deeply, and go to sleep more quickly? Will I have more energy, and what will that feel like? Will my mood be less swingy? Will I realize that drinking wine is more a habit than enjoyment? If I get a yes or two, then I think it will have been worth it. If I don't, then I can stop wondering and look for other ways to address what ails me.

I also acknowledge that choosing this kind of tough-love program is much easier than having it be prescribed to you as a result of a serious medical condition. Kind of like the time I took the bus to work for a month (my first major lifestyle experiment - 10 years ago!) but had the peace of mind that I still had a car in case of emergencies. But just as that experiment opened my eyes to a low-income population I could otherwise easily ignore, I hope my experience of doing my own Whole30 will make me more sympathetic to people with serious food allergies, sensitivities and other health concerns, and even more considerate when bringing treats to the office or a dish to a potluck.

Follow along if you dare, and know I will understand if you are totally bored by this topic. I'm not sure how often I'll blog about it, but I'm definitely open to comments and suggestions if you've done it yourself, or questions if you're thinking about jumping in.

In the meantime, I'll be over here drinking my final glasses of wine, eating slices of cheese and buttered toast for the next 36 or so hours.